


Three's Not a Crowd

by BrianJustin4Ever



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bottom Sam, Masturbation, Multi, Sexual Content, Slash, Violence, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-20
Updated: 2013-12-20
Packaged: 2018-01-05 06:07:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1090524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrianJustin4Ever/pseuds/BrianJustin4Ever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam loves both Dean and Castiel, but they love each other. Neither of them would ever want Sam, or at least that what he thinks. What happens when Sam runs away only to be captured by a demon?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Three's Not a Crowd

**Author's Note:**

> **Warnings:** violence, voyeur!Castiel, masturbation, sexual content, bottom!Sam

Sam watches Dean and Castiel dance around each other, practically fucking with their eyes. _It’s pathetic_ , Sam thinks. He shakes his head. Who’s he kidding? He’s the pathetic one. He’s the one who lusts after both an angel and his own brother, who only have eyes for each other.

Sam looks down at his hands so he doesn’t have to look at the objects of his devotion. Sam knows it’s not simple lust. If it was, Sam would be fine. He wouldn’t have this pain in his chest that makes him feel as if his world is ending. Sam _knows_ he’s in love with two people he shouldn’t be in love with: Dean and Castiel.

Dean –his older brother. Dean –his constant protector. Dean – the most loyal and bravest person Sam knows. Dean – who would never ever think of his family in the dirty way Sam thinks of it.

And then there’s Castiel – an angel of the Lord. It’s laughable to believe an angel would stoop to have sex, never mind love, with the ‘boy with the demon blood.’ Like Castiel said, Sam is an abomination. He knows Castiel will never look at him the way he looks at Dean. All Castiel will ever do is tolerate Sam, and it will only ever be for Dean’s sake.

Sam’s heart hurts, but he knows it’s the truth. He’s not worthy of either of them. He can’t imagine a more perfect match then Dean and Castiel. _A match made in heaven,_ Sam thinks wanly.

Sam feels tears coming and shuts himself in the bathroom so Dean doesn’t worry. Ever since the gates of Hell were permanently closed, Dean seems to _always_ worry. Sam makes sure his sobbing his silent. No reason to alert angel ears of Sam’s predicament.

Sam catches his reflection.  His red eyes stare back at him, and he knows he can’t go out there looking like this. No excuse would satisfy Dean if he saw what was in Sam's eyes. As he washes his face, Sam comes to a decision. He will make sure Dean and Castiel get together, no matter what. If the two people he loves most in the world can’t love him the way he loves them, at least he’ll know they’re together. He’ll be content knowing they are happy. Sam tries to believe his own lies, but can still feel a lingering ache in his chest.

***

Sam has set it all in motion. Castiel is going to go into the motel room after Sam calls him and will then see Dean all…exposed. Hopefully, despite being an angel, Castiel will still act on basic human primal needs. _Hopefully_ , Sam thinks again.

Sam knows it isn’t his _best_ plan, but it’s the only one he could come up with, with such short notice. He wants to get the two of them together as quickly as possible.

He heads to the door of the motel, telling Dean he’s going to the library to research their current hunt – a ghost that seems to be going after sisters – and as he leaves, he hears the shower start. He gives Dean ten minutes, knowing his brother likes to jerk off in there, after hearing him often enough. Sam flushes at the memory, feeling himself harden slightly. He shakes his head. Now is not the time for that.

Once he’s sure Dean is out of the shower and toweling off, he calls Castiel on the cell phone that Dean made sure to tell him to keep ~~,~~ in case prayer wasn’t a viable option to get a hold of the angel for whatever reason. Sam is grateful now. This plan would have been trickier without the cell.

“What?”

Sam smiles at Cas’s confused voice. Even now, Cas still has difficulty understanding basic human things. “Hey Cas, are you busy?”

“Of course not, Sam.”

Castiel’s suddenly warm voice makes Sam smile, but doesn’t dare think it’s anything more than it is. “I’m making a run to the library. Can—”

“Why are you running to the library?” Castiel asks.

Sam shakes his head despite Castiel not being able to see. “Never mind Cas, figure of speech. Anyways, can you pop into the motel room quickly? Dean needs to talk to you.”

The phone goes dead right away and Sam assumes Castiel popped into the room as soon as Sam suggested it. Sam ignores the usual clench of his heart at the fact that Cas moved so quickly for Dean. It isn’t anything he isn’t used to, after all.

He just wishes…

Sam shakes the thought away. There was no use wishing for something that could never be. This was his lot in life and Sam would just have to deal with it.

***

Sam takes a breath as he stares at the door to the motel. He’s not sure what he’s going to find, but he knows he needs to be prepared. He eases the door open and cautiously looks inside the room.

Dean and Castiel are curled against each other with Dean’s head lying on Castiel’s chest. The angel's eyes are wide open, and his eyes are soft as he stares at Dean.Dean would never admit to cuddling, but he _obviously_ is. Sam smiles a sad smile.

Sam thinks about leaving them alone, but they need to salt and burn the ghost before someone else dies. Besides, Castiel watches him, and there’s a cautious look in his eyes.

Sam sends a reassuring look to the angel. “Can you wake Dean up? We need to take care of the ghost.”

Castiel nods, but he seems uncomfortable with Sam catching them together; he shakes Dean awake.

“Whaa?” Dean asks, rubbing his eyes.

Dean really does make an adorable picture when he first wakes up.

Dean's eyes widen when he notices Sam in the room. He shoots up like a poptart. “Sammy, I— um… I can explain.”

Sam rolls his eyes. “Dean, I sent Castiel to your room, knowing you’d be naked. Don’t you think I knew what would happen?”

“You planned this?” Dean asks, blinking his eyes disbelievingly.

“Of course, seeing how you guys act around each other was kind of sickening. The way you guys were going, it would have taken ages for you to hook up. At least you’ll get rid of some of the tension and won’t be so painfully nauseating.”

“We are not nauseating,” Dean says grumpily.

“You really are,” Sam disputes.

Castielremains silent, watching the brothers’ banter.

“You okay, Cas?” Sam asks.

“Yes, but are you sure you’re okay with this Sam? I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

If only Castiel knew. Sam will be uncomfortable all right, but it will be because of a whole lot of different reasons. “I’m fine Cas. I’m glad you two are finally together.” Sam smiles, and he can _almost_ believe it.

“Enough chick flick moments, dudes.”

Sam rolls his eyes at Dean. They talk about the ghost and discover where the body is buried. They slot in their usual roles as if nothing's changed.

Sam thinks it won't be so bad. From afar, he’s watched Dean and has been in love with him for years, before Stanford even. He’s watched Dean be with girls _and_ guys. Even though he knew Dean never really loved them, it was still painful to see.

Although he's only known Castiel for a few years, he has had feelings for him for awhile as well. Castiel went against everything he knew to stand by the brothers. The angel is extremely gentle most times, but is a warrior when it comes to protecting Dean and Sam. What's not to love?  So what if he's going to be forced to watch them be all coupley? How hard can it really be?

It turns out... very hard.

Sam has always been an early riser due to their dad's strict regimen. That continued through Stanford because he almost always had classes at 8:00 AM. Dean, on the other hand, despite being able to get up early, enjoys sleeping in when he has the chance.

Most mornings, Sam is awake before Dean and just stays in bed so he can watch his brother undisturbed. It’s the only time Sam can watch Dean without getting weird looks or getting caught.

The sound of flapping wings catches his attention, and Castiel, who probably doesn't realize Sam's awake, leans down and kisses Dean gently on the lips.

Sam watches as Dean's eyes quickly pop open before pulling Castiel down on top of him. Sam watches as they kiss passionately; he wants to look away, but finds he can’t. Sam tries to catch the tears rolling down his cheeks. He quickly turns to lie on his other side so he's facing the wall instead of his brother and Castiel. The sound of gentle kissing that causes Sam's heart to ache doesn't stop, so they obviously don’t notice Sam’s anguish.

Sam's surprised that Castiel's angel senses aren't kicking in, but he's probably too focused on making Dean groan so deliciously to notice. Despite his pillow covered ears, Sam can’t drown out the sounds of pleasure from Dean’s bed.

That little scene happensmore than once, and it isn't the worst of it.

More times than Sam would like to remember, Dean goes into the shower alone, but soon the bathroom echoes with groans and yells of pleasure. When the door opens, Dean and Castiel both come out wet. Dean's cheeks are flushed and he usually wears a smug grin, while Castiel sports unhealed bruises that are definitely hickeys and seems very pleased with himself.

During these showers, Sam puts his headphones on and cranks his music up as loud as he can. It doesn't change the fact that Sam knows what happens behind the thin door.

The first time Sam and Dean go to a bar since Dean and Castiel started sleeping together, Sam thought he’d get a blessed reprieve from the happy couple. But alas, no. Castiel always joins them quickly and keeps Dean's attention solely focused on him. It's as if Castiel is worried Dean is going to do something with the girls at the bar if he's not there to remind Dean what he has.

That is _never_ going to happen. For all of Dean's faults, he is extremely loyal to the people he cares about and never wavers in that loyalty, no matter what.

Sam is forced to watch Dean swallow Castiel's tongue as they kiss at the bar time and time again. Sam sees how all the girls pout when they learn that Dean is very much taken. It _almost_ makes Sam smirk. That is, until the girls decide to try their luck out on Sam.

Dean always laughs, but at the same time he seems bothered by the attention Sam's receiving. Meanwhile, Castiel watches him with those clear blue eyes that seem to see everything. The angel frowns as the girls hang over him. He continuously tries to draw Sam's attention back to the two of them, while Sam tries to enjoy the girls' presence. All in all, it just makes Sam want what he can't have even more.

Sam always tries to be polite, but usually ends up being blunt to get the girls to leave him alone.

Although Dean and Sam still spend time together, (after all, they’re constantly stuck in a car together 12 hours a day), more times than not, Dean ditches Sam once they check in for some alone time with Castiel.

One would think that would be easier on Sam. He wouldn’t have to see what Castiel and Dean are doing, right? It has to be easier to handle, right? Wrong! All that does is it allows for Sam's imagination to take over. And Sam has always had a very active imagination. In some ways, it is harder.

The worst and best thing that Sam has had to deal with was the time he walked in on the happy couple in the throes of passion.

Sam will always remember the one and only time he walked in on them. Sam had gone to get food and didn’t think about knocking when he got back to the motel room.

When Sam stepped into the room, Dean was inside of Castiel, thrusting hard. Castiel's back was arched with his eyes closed. Dean’s head was low as he bit down on Castiel's collarbone. Sam could see Castiel's trembling fingers cradling Dean's cheek. Little red marks claimed the skin around Dean's throat and shoulders. There was a big purple one where Sam used to bury his face when he cried about mom.

Sam was forced to watch as both Castiel and Dean came together. He was struck with the beauty of it all. They really did belong with each other. If anything drove that point home to Sam, it was seeing this. He knew then what he was missing out on, but he also has a memory to treasure for the rest of his life.

Sam gulped as their breathing evened out. He turned away to close the door and knew his cheeks were stained red.

"Enjoyed the show, Sammy?" Dean asked from the other side of the door. Sam could hear the smirk in his voice.

Sam almost said 'yes,' wanting his ugly secret to be out in the open. He caught the word in his mouth before he could humiliate himself. “Not really, jerk,” Sam mumbled, but the usual teasing behind the name wasn’t there, as he slumped against the door.

Dean didn’t seem to notice. “Bitch,” he shot back.

 “Want food?” he asks as his eyes stay averted. Sam desperately wanted to pretend the whole thing didn’t happen.

“Sure,” Dean says as if everything is just dandy.

Sam’s smile is forced as Castiel continues to watch him with that unwavering gaze. Sam wants to drop his eyes to the angel's waist, which is covered, but forces himself to keep them safely on the impassive face. Sam's eyes swivel as Dean quickly gets dressed. He blushes at Dean's lack of modesty. Castiel, on the other hand, simply poofs his clothes on. They all go to the table to eat.

Sam tries to be okay with Dean and Castiel’s relationship, but it hurts. Sometimes it feels as if Dean is purposely going out of his way to shove their relationship in Sam’s face. Sam doesn’t want to believe Dean would do that, but it’s pretty hard to see anything different.

Sam walks into a room, Dean pounces on Castiel. Sam looks towards the two of them, and suddenly Dean is pulling Castiel on his lap and kissing him fiercely.

Sam really doesn’t know what’s gotten into his brother, a person who has never been overly demonstrative. Castiel doesn’t appear to be harboring the same competitive animosity Dean does; he seems to be just going along for the ride.

Sam stops sleeping. Every time he closes his eyes, he imagines himself in between Dean and Castiel, feeling two pairs of hands on him. Castiel's tongue would fuck his mouth while Dean's mouth worked his hard cock. They would work together to bring him unbelievable ecstasy. Sam would then sigh in contentment before allowing his mouth to suckle on Castiel's pale neck. The little mewls Castiel always made for Dean would not be heard thanks to Sam's ministrations. Castiel would end up on his back with Sam hovering and Dean behind him. Dean's fingers would ease into Sam's ass, spreading and stretching. All the while, Sam would do everything he could to work Castiel into a frenzy. After orgasms all around, there would be soft kisses and sighs of contentment. Sam would be so happy. So, so happy.Sam is afraid of what would happen if he allowed himself to sleep and dream. Would he scream Dean’s name? Or Castiel’s? Sam can’t allow himself to find out.

One morning, Castiel asks about the circles under Sam’s eyes, but Sam brushes him off. Castiel can’t _really_ care. He’s only asking because he cares about Dean, who cares about Sam.

Sam does everything he can to stay away from them. He makes excuses to leave them alone. It gets to the point where he’s spending more time alone than not. The only solid time he’s around Dean, Castiel, or both is when they’re in the car. He doesn’t even stay at the motel at night. Sam doesn’t see the need to if he’s not sleeping anyways. He usually sits in the car, but he might go to a bar if he feels like drowning his sorrows in alcohol.

Food loses its taste, colors become dimmer, books become duller, Dean’s jokes aren’t as funny, and music loses its luster. Overall, Sam would rather be by himself. Most of the time, he finds a way to be alone and sits in complete silence.

It's a Tuesday when Sam is walking back to the motel. It’s the first time he will be spending actual time with Dean and Castiel in about four months, but Sam wants to see them for awhile, especially with what he has planned. He’s sorted out his thoughts by the time he reaches the door to the motel room, but he hears movement from the inside of the room. It’s the unmistakable sounds of hot, passionate sex. Sam closes his eyes.

Part of Sam thought Dean missed having his little brother around him. The pleasurable screams inside the room beg to differ though. Dean seems to be just fine without Sam around. He gets more time with Castiel. He doesn’t have to worry about his troublesome, little brother. Dean would be better off when Sam’s not around anymore. A depressing thought.

Sam turns away from the door, deciding to go get a salad from the nearby diner. He has to make plans. He knows what he needs to do.

***

Castiel and Dean are already cleaned up when Sam comes back to the room. Dean seems actually kind of surprised to see Sam. It's out of the ordinary to see Sam during the day lately, at least when they're not crammed in the Impala.

"Hey Sammy," Dean says as he lounges on the bed.

Sam's smile is forced as he whispers, "Hi."

Dean knows that Sam believes he doesn't know when something is wrong. But Dean has been able to read Sam like a book ever since he was a kid. Dean could read Sam even when he was a moody teenager. That's how Dean knew that Sam was going to leave the family business. He didn't know how, but he knew Sam was going to make it happen. Nothing could stand in his little brother’s way when he wanted it bad enough.

Dean wishes Sam would talk about what's been bothering him for awhile. This attitude started pretty much when Dean and Castiel got together. At first Dean believed that maybe Sam was homophobic, but he quickly reminded himself that Sam was the one that helped the two of them get together. If Sammy had a problem with gays, he would have kept the two of them far away from each other.

Dean catches Sam looking at him sometimes. It's in a way Dean had once looked at Sam. The look is a mixture of curiosity, worry, and another emotion that he's afraid to name out loud, even if it's in his own head.

Dean wonders if maybe Sam has figured out Dean's dirty, little secret. _Not that little_ , Dean reminds himself. It would be a very good reason for Sam's sudden distance.

Dean shakes his head. If Sam had really figured it out, his little brother would have confronted him on it. There is no doubt about that.

Dean finds himself standing up and walking over to Castiel who stands by the window, watching the brothers with curiosity shining in his eyes. He kisses his angel, one eye carefully on his brother. That’s why he sees the barely visible flinch.

 _That’s interesting_ , Dean muses as he pulls away from the soft lips.

Dean orders pizza for all of them and makes sure to include a salad in the order as well. Sam hasn’t been eating well lately and doesn’t want to give him any more reasons to skip a meal.

Sam doesn’t complain when Dean shoves the salad at him. He eats without an argument, making Dean want to breathe an audible sigh of relief. Of course he doesn’t though. He can’t be seen as caring too much after all.

Sam and Dean spend the night just relaxing, something they don’t do very often. Castiel decided to take off for the night. Dean knows that the angel believes the brothers need some time alone. Dean sees that Sam tries to look nonchalant, but there are still shadows in his eyes. He just wishes Sam would tell him what was wrong so he can fix it.

If Dean didn’t pay attention so closely, it would seem like everything is perfectly normal. He knows better though.

When he and Sam go to sleep, it almost feels like old times. _Almost_.

Reality comes crashing in when Dean wakes up and Sam is gone.

Sam has been doing a disappearing act quite a bit lately, but Dean knows this is different. For one thing, Sam is always there in the mornings when Dean wakes up. He doesn’t disappear until after breakfast. Secondly, when Dean looks to the floor in front of Sam’s bed, he sees that his little brother’s duffle bag is gone. Sam has packed up and left, and he’s not planning to come back.

Dean quickly throws the blankets off. Despite instinctively knowing the truth, he still looks for a sign of Sam. He spots the innocuous note sitting on the desk where Sam’s laptop had once been.

With shaking hands, he picks it up. Eyes travel over the words, drinking them in.

_Dear Dean,_

_When you wake up, I know you’ll be worried. I know there is no point in saying this, but I’m going to say it anyway. Please don’t worry. I know that was a waste of ink, but it’s out in the open anyway._

_I’m sure you figured out that I wasn’t taken by force. I know you know that something has been off for a while lately. I could never hide anything from you. You can’t be that surprised that I left by my own free will._

_I’ve been thinking about doing this for a while, including weighing all of the pros and cons of it. I know that won’t make you feel any better, but it’s the truth._

_I know you’re going to blame yourself. You are going to think you should have been doing something instead of living your life. You have an amazing guilt complex. Don’t take that as a compliment._

_I need you to know right now that this isn’t your fault._

_Dean, something is really wrong in my head. I don’t want to go into details, because I don’t want you to ever look at me differently, but I have feelings that are really sick and unnatural. I want to stop having these feelings. The only way I can do that is to leave._

_Please, just let me go. I know with Castiel on your side, you could probably find me, but don’t. I need to be on my own for awhile. You respected my choice when I went to Stanford. I’m asking you to respect my choice once again._

_I’ve made sure the GPS on my phone is off. I know that no matter how much I plead, you will do everything you can to find me, and I’m not going to make it easier for you._

_When I’m ready, I will call you. I promise you that. Just give me some space._

_I’m sorry I’m doing this to you. I’m sorry I couldn’t be a better little brother._

_Sam_

Dean drops the letter, watching as it flutters to the ground. He stares unblinkingly at it, letting the words process in his brain.

Sam is gone. He thinks something is wrong inside his head. He thinks he is a bad little brother.

Dean finally settles on one thought. _Must find Sammy._

“Castiel,” he prays, knowing that’s all it takes these days.

The sound of wings envelops the room and Castiel is standing next to the bed. He is already unbuttoning his shirt, but Dean stops him. “Not that. Sam is gone.”

Castiel’s brow furrows. “What do you mean gone?”

Dean sighs and bends down to retrieve the letter. He passes it wordlessly over to Castiel.

Castiel puts it on the bed after silently reading.

“We are finding him,” Dean says firmly.

Castiel looks troubled. “He asked for you to let him go,” he points out.

Dean shrugs. “He also points out that he knows I’ll do everything I can to find him.”

Castiel looks at his hands. “Do you think he left because of me?”

Dean shakes his head in the negative. “He thinks there is something wrong in his head. _That’s_ why he left. It has nothing to do with you,” Dean says, but even he’s not positive of what he’s saying.

Castiel obviously agrees. “He started making excuses to be anywhere but here when we started having sex.”

Dean looks into Castiel’s eyes. “Listen, we are going to find Sam and get to the bottom of this.”

Castiel nods. Dean knows Castiel will do everything he can to find Sam. Even so, he still looks unsure of going against Sam's plead.

Castiel leaves to start canvassing the area. Sam had a good head start, but Castiel _is_ an angel. Like Sam said in his letter, with Castiel on his side, nothing will stand in Dean’s way.

Dean hates the idea of twiddling his thumbs, but he is useless right now when it comes to his wayward brother. To be on the safe side, Dean checks the GPS on Sam’s phone and it _is_ off.

Dean tries to think about where Sam would go. At one time, Dean boasted about knowing Sam better than anyone. Times have changed though. Both Sam and Dean have been to hell, literally and figuratively. Sam’s soul has spent a whole year in the cage being two archangels’ plaything. Both have seen more horror than any one person should ever see.

And lately, Sam has been pulling away from Dean. At one time he would have called Bobby, but that ship has sailed.

He goes to the front desk at the motel. The manager’s daughter smiles flirtatiously at him; Dean smiles back, but it feels strained. “Hello, sweetheart. Do you remember the man I was with?”

She slowly blinks her eyes in a way that’s supposed to seduce. “The one in the trench coat?”

Dean shakes his head. “No, the tall one, like 6 feet 4. Long brown hair.”

“I don’t remember seeing him,” the daughter says.

Dean’s strained smile slips away completely. He turns away, ignoring the pouting lips. The only lips he’s been interested in kissing lately is Cas’s and he’s not about to do anything with her. _Well, Cas's lips aren't the only ones_ , Dean amends silently, remembering Sam's naturally pouty lips, especially when he made a bitchface.

Something about what the girl says is niggling at the back of his mind. She doesn’t remember seeing him with Sam.

Dean thinks back to the past couple of months. He knows Sam has been disappearing a lot lately, but to think they might have been living relatively separate lives is unheard of. Dean knows though that whenever Sam could, he was away. Dean can’t remember the last time they were together in public if it wasn’t for a case.

At one time, Dean would have been confronting Sam on his bitchy attitude. Sam needed him, but Dean had been too busy with Cas to be there. And now Sam is gone.

Dean knows he’s let Sam down a lot in the past, but he’s always tried to do the right thing by him. He remembers when he let his brother go away to Stanford. He hated the thought of Sammy being so far away, but he wanted the boy to be happy, and Dean thought it was for the best in the long run.

Dean’s thoughts about Stanford being for the best had a lot to do with _it. It_ being the secret. Dean remembers when his dirty little secret began.

He was twenty and Sam was sixteen. His brother was finally beginning to grow into his long legs and arms; it didn’t look _quite_ as awkward at least.

They were in a motel at another small, no name town, and John was out researching for a hunt a couple towns over.

Sam had just come out of the shower with a too small towel wrapped around his waist. Dean, who was cleaning a gun, looked up and felt his mouth literally go dry.

He had never felt so much want for one person.

Dean's eyes had watched drops of water slide down Sam’s still young chest. He saw Sam’s nipples perk from the AC. He watched as the water dripped down Sam’s abs before reaching the tower clad waist.

Dean had yearned to see what was underneath that towel. He had been grateful Sam was too busy sulking to see Dean’s fascination, but that was when lusting after his little brother became Dean’s norm.

Dean had thought with Sam being in California, not only would Sam be safer, but Dean could get over his inappropriate feelings. Out of sight, out of mind, right?

Wrong.

Dean discovered when he went to Sam’s apartment to ask for help, and saw Sam wrapped around a pretty blonde girl, like he belonged there, and Dean felt nothing but angry jealousy; the lust had not gone away.

After Jess’s death and Sam came on the road with him permanently, Dean had thrown himself at nameless girls and even some guys at bars or diners. The guys even had similar characteristics to Sam. They were tall or had brown eyes or long brown hair, etc. The guys _always_ had something in common with Sam. The anonymous fucks did nothing to erase Dean’s want.

Dean had to swallow down his jealousy the few times Sam hooked up. Sam definitely wasn’t into it as much as Dean, and he usually had to care about the girl somewhat, but it did happen. Dean had to bite his tongue as his own urging of Sam to give Sarah a chance pushed Sam into kissing her. Then there was Madison. Dean was ashamed, but he felt just a little bit gleeful when she turned out to be the werewolf. He wasn't happy about her having to be killed, especially not when Sam was determined to be the one to do it, but he was happy she was no longer around to take Sam away. Dean still felt Sam's heartbreak, though, and did everything he could to support him. Ruby had been something a whole lot different, something Dean didn’t even want to think about.

Dean didn’t try to get close to any of his tricks. Lisa had been the only one he got somewhat close to, but when Sammy turned out to be alive; even she and Ben hadn’t been enough for Dean to stay. Dean remembered what she said when he had been under the influence of the VERITAS spell. ‘You two have the most unhealthy, tangled-up, crazy thing I've ever seen.’ Lisa hadn’t been that far off the mark.

Dean had realized long before Lisa that it wasn’t simple lust he felt for Sam. That could have been easily ignored. He loved Sam, loved Sam more than he had ever loved anyone else. Dean felt like his abnormal feelings for Sam damaged something inside of him. He felt like he wasn’t capable of loving anyone else.

That’s why he had been so happy when he met Castiel. When he stared into the angel’s eyes, he felt something stirring, the something that Dean had only ever associated with Sam in the past.

That day when Castiel popped into his room, and Dean was only in a towel, Dean wasn’t sure what was going on. Castiel had opened his mouth and said “Sam” before his eyes took in the situation.

Dean had waited, raising his eyebrows even as his heart pounded. Then suddenly, Castiel was on him, kissing him with so much passion and need. Dean had returned the kiss in equal fervor. He had worked Castiel out of his trench coat before ripping his shirt off, uncaring of the buttons. Dean’s lips had licked down Castiel’s neck, suckling on the pulse point despite there being no pulse. He felt Castiel’s hardness and without thinking about the consequences, had gotten down on his knees.

Dean had quickly taken Castiel’s large cock out, thinking _Way to go, Jimmy_ before taking it into his mouth. He had taken Castiel to the root, wanting to taste him so badly. Castiel’s hips had bucked, and he briefly remembered that Castiel was a virgin. No sooner had he remembered that did Castiel cum in his mouth.

Despite what some people might say, Dean is not a complete asshole. He and Castiel didn’t go any further right then and there. Dean didn’t want it to be rushed the first time Castiel had sex; he wanted Cas to be able to enjoy it and bask in the sensations.

They _did_ lie down together though. And when Sam got back, he seemed so nonchalant about it, Dean’s a bit ashamed to admit it, but he was kind of hurt that Sam wasn’t jealous.

Sam just seemed so _okay_ with it. Maybe that was part of the reason behind Dean’s sudden ignorance of Sam’s obvious unhappiness. Well, there was that, and the fact that Dean wasn’t as broken as he feared. So he might be a little in love with his little brother, but he could still fall in love with another person… er… angel. And he didn’t want to do anything that would cause Cas to leave him.

Dean comes out of the memories of his and Sam’s past. He knows he should have been there for Sam, and he wasn’t. Now Sam’s gone, and who knows where he is?

He does know that Castiel is going to find Sam, and when he does, Sam and Dean are going to have a _long_ talk. Whatever problems Sam has, they are going to be worked out.

Sam thinks something is wrong in his head. Well, Dean will just have to get rid of that idea.

After asking a couple of other people near the motel about whether they saw someone matching Sam’s description, Dean admits defeat and goes back to wait in the room.

He knows Castiel will come as soon as he knows where Sam is.

***

Sam is driving around in a stolen car. He feels terrible about stealing it, but it’s old anyway. It sounds like it hasn’t even been taken good care of with the noise the engine is making. Unlike Dean, Sam still has some sense of morality when it comes to grand theft auto.

He knows he’ll need to ditch the car soon, though. He just wants to get out of Oregon first. He doesn't know where to go. He considers calling Jody, but doesn't. Dean might get it in his head to call her as their living friends are very limited.

Sam debates whether he should keep hunting. He’s not fond of continuing on alone, but he knows he can do it. Sam might not be as strong as Dean, but he is definitely a capable hunter.

He’s just afraid that it will tip Dean off to his whereabouts. Although they always keep a low profile, there is a possibility of being recognized.

After some more thinking, he decides he’s not going to look for hunts. If Sam happens to be in a city where there are strange occurrences, he’ll take care of it. He won’t go out of his way though.

Sam wants to stop and get some sleep, but pushes off his fatigue to put more distance between him and his brother. Just like he said in his letter, he knows Castiel will be searching for him. Even with the anti-angel sigils, Castiel will eventually be able to locate him. It’s better to put as much distance between him and Oregon as he can.

As he’s driving on a highway with very few cars, he lets his mind wander. He remembers the first time he looked at his brother in a way that wasn’t brotherly.

Sam was fifteen and Dean nineteen. Dean was already sexually active, Sam knew. Living with Dean in such close quarters, Sam was far from naïve. Sam might have never done anything himself, but that didn’t mean he didn’t know how it worked. Although for awhile, he thought Dean was strictly a ladies’ man. When he found out the truth, it unlocked his less than normal feelings.

Sam had never seen any kind of homosexual act until one day when he was fifteen. He was supposed to be out all day at the library to work on a big project with his partner. When his partner canceled at the last minute, Sam had worked by himself for awhile, but decided to call it a day early. He wasn’t going to do all of the work. After all, he wouldn’t be at that school long enough to benefit.

Sam had walked into the small house they were staying at this time around. He went to the room that he shared with Dean and got an eyeful of Dean fucking some dude.

Sam had been too shocked to leave. He doesn’t remember making any noise, but he must have with how fast Dean moved away from the man.

Sam does remember the man whining for Dean to continue, not caring that there was a very impressionable fifteen year old standing in the doorway. He also remembers noticing Dean’s muscles. He remembers the red nipples and wanting to bite and lick them.

Sam was spurred into action and ran out of the house after shaking himself out of his fantasy of what Dean’s lips might taste like.

Dean had found him pretty quickly and begged Sam to not tell Dad. Sam promised. Dean had asked if he was okay with it, and Sam realized that Dean wasn’t aware of the fact that he liked guys as well as girls. He knew it was the right time to tell Dean the truth, but Sam didn’t. Something still kept him from being honest. He did promise Dean that he was not homophobic, but would prefer to not catch his brother in the act again. Dean promised it wouldn’t happen.

What Sam didn’t tell Dean was that the image was burned into his brain for eternity. Except the other guy wasn’t there. In place of the guy he never learned the name of, the guy he doubted Dean had known the name of, Dean was fucking Sam. Dean was marking Sam, making Sam feel so good.

It was the ultimate jerk off fantasy for Sam and it never went away. Sam hoped his unnatural desire would fade when he went to Stanford. Sam even felt optimistic when he met and fell in love with Jess. The optimism died in the fire along with Jess and his normal life. As soon as he was on the road with Dean again, the desire came back tenfold.

More than once, he thought Dean might know the truth. He would catch Dean looking at him oddly, but there were never any confrontations where Sam was called a disgusting freak. He figured it was all in his mind.

When Sam met Castiel, he found someone he could love. Of course, what would an angel of the Lord want with the ‘boy with the demon blood?’ Castiel would be tainted if they ever did anything. Even with the self-incrimination, Sam was glad. Although Castiel could never sully himself with Sam, it was a lot more okay to be lusting over and fall in love with someone so unattainable than it was to be lusting over and be in love with your older brother. Castiel was out of reach, but more okay.

Sam is brought out of his memories when he sees a car up ahead swerving. Sam sees that the car is heading towards him and jerks his wheel in the other direction.

Just as Sam thinks he’s going to miss the car, the driver turns the wheel straight at him and barrels into the car he’s driving. He bangs his head on the steering wheel as the car flips over. He’s still conscious, but barely.

Suddenly the car stops and Sam thinks, _it’s over. I’m going to live_. It’s just then that he realizes he’s upside down.

He manages to get the door open and slide out of the car. He crawls away, wanting to get as far away from the car as possible. He sees the other car flipped over and wonders if the driver is okay.

He tries to find his cell, but can’t. Suddenly there’s an explosion. The car that hit him is on fire. _If the driver had survived before, he’s dead now_. As if the explosion triggered something, the car that Sam had been in explodes as well.

Sam wishes for Dean more than anything. He wants Dean to take charge. He looks to the road and hopes that someone saw and had called 911.

When he tries to stand up, he realizes he can’t. He tries to move his left leg, but can’t. Sam fights down the panic. It might just be a broken leg. Sam knows though that it’s more than that. If his leg was simply broken, he’d be in excruciating pain.

There is nothing. There is no pain, no numbness. He can’t even move his toes. Sam is scared. He doesn’t know what to do.

“Hey!”

Sam quickly turns his head and sees a girl running towards him. He sees her car parked on the shoulder.

“Are you okay?”

Sam gives her a look. "No, something's wrong with my leg. I need a doctor."

The girl nods. “I called 911. Can I do anything for you?”

Sam almost asks for her cell. He wants to call Dean, but there is a reason why he left. Just because he’s injured, it doesn’t mean he wants to go back. Then again, Castiel can probably heal him. Still, he’s not ready to face them. Sam shakes his head no.

Suddenly he sees a familiar demonic black smoke and he knows this wasn’t just an accident. It isn’t the first time a car he’s driving was hit by a demon. He still remembers what happened last time.

Sam is already dragging himself away as the demonic smoke enters the girl. He knows if this demon attacks, he has no way of defending himself. He doesn’t have the demon knife on him or even any holy water. He can’t run _and_ he’s completely defenseless. Not a good combination.

He prays for a quick death at the very least. A blow comes from behind and his world goes dark.

***

Sam wakes up and looks around. He can’t see much except that it’s dark. He tries to move his left leg and finds that there’s still no feeling. He feels the panic rising up again, but swallows it down. He has bigger things to worry about. For example, he was kidnapped by a demon.

Sam knows there’s nothing he can do but wait. He has no weapons and he can’t walk. What he wants to know is why the demon didn’t just kill him. For what reason could they possibly want him alive? Whatever the reason is, he knows it’s not good.

Sam tries to regulate his breathing and for the first time wishes he didn’t leave Dean and Castiel. He should have just sucked it up and dealt with it. He should have been a man. If Dean was in his position, he wouldn’t have run away like a coward.

There’s a screech and then footsteps. He tries to crane his neck, wanting to know who took him.

It’s Meg, and Sam isn’t as surprised as he should be. Dean and he might have had a tentative truce with Meg during the whole Leviathan thing, but she is _still_ a demon. The question is… just what did she expect to achieve?

“Well, well, well, welcome Moose.”

Sam stays silent.

“No snarky remarks? Or is that just your brother’s deal?”

Again Sam remains silent.

“Make yourself comfortable. You’re going to be here for awhile.”

Finally, Sam can’t remain quiet any longer. “What do you want with me?”

Meg waves her hand in a gesture of indifference. “A simple ritual, no big deal.”

Sam’s eyes widen, but he doesn’t rise to the bait. He knows that rituals are never simple. More likely than not, it will end in Sam’s death. The question is what is Meg trying to make happen? Is Meg trying to bring back someone? Is Meg trying to tether someone?

Sam is not worried about his impending death. He’s worried about what his death will cause to happen. He hopes Dean and Castiel find him before it’s too late.

***

Dean is pacing the floor, wondering what is taking Castiel so long. The man is an angel. It should be a cakewalk to find one human man.

A sound of wings brings Dean to attention. “Well?”

Castiel looks troubled, and for a man that very rarely shows emotion, it proves to Dean how serious the situation is.

“You haven’t found him yet, have you?”

Castiel imperceptibly shakes his head. “There is a lead, but it’s not a good lead.”

“What do you mean?”

“On the highway leaving the town, there was a car accident. Spectators saw a car being run off the road by another car. Both cars exploded.”

“I can see why it’s not a good lead.”

Castiel smiles faintly. “It gets worse. A girl had seen a driver with brown, floppy hair crawl out.”

“Thank God,” Dean breathes.

Castiel continues as if he hadn’t been interrupted. “She ran to him, told him that she called 911. She said it seemed as if he couldn’t move one of his legs. Suddenly, a fog comes over her mind. She sees everything that’s happening, but has no control of her body, as if she was locked away in her mind.”

“A demon,” Dean says, fear gripping his heart.

Castiel nods. “She sees another female knock the man unconscious and carries him away. She suddenly has control of her body again and she sees black smoke following the unconscious man and female.”

Dean nods. “At least we know he’s alive.”

“For how long though?” Castiel questions.

Dean glares. “Cas, I love you, but right now I need you to be positive. I can’t think of the alternative.”

Cas nods.

“We know where to start. Cas, take us to where the accident happened.”

Castiel grips Dean’s shoulders as he closes his eyes. When he opens them, he’s standing next to a highway. There are police milling about and Dean fights the urge to punch someone.

He sees an officer looking at him and Cas curiously. He goes to the woman, knowing Castiel will follow. “Hello, the person who was taken from the scene… has there been any more information about him?”

The officer crosses her arms.”Do you know him?”

Dean nods. He hates the law as a general principle, but he’s desperate. “He’s my little brother and the only family I have left.”

She seems to soften. “I’m sorry, sir. I know how worried you must be. We don’t have any new information yet, though. If you give me your number, I’ll let you know if I find anything new.”

Dean nods. Demons have Sam and he doubts the police will be any help. Even so, it doesn’t hurt, just in case. Dean writes his number before walking away from the officer.

He turns to Castiel. “Any ideas how to find the demons?”

“I can search for them. There’s probably some angel proofing, but Sam has run away. The demons probably knew that and might have gotten sloppy with protection if they thought we wouldn’t realize he was taken. If they got too cocky, it will help us to locate them.”

“Go then. As soon as you know something, come and get me.”

Castiel leaves with a sound of wings. Dean realizes he’s at the side of a highway with no transportation. He decides to look around. Maybe there’s a clue to where Sam is, a clue the police overlooked because it didn’t seem important.

***

Sam does his best to stay awake, but he ends up fading in and out of consciousness. He’s not sure how long he’s kept in the dank room. There are no windows or a clock. He has no idea if it’s been hours or days. The way Sam thinks, the longer he’s kept alone, the better. After all, it buys time for Castiel to find him.

Of course, that’s when Meg makes her reappearance. She’s so smug. Sam can’t believe he and Dean ever had a truce with the demon. At least they knew not to wholeheartedly trust her.

She kneels down, and Sam does his best to back away even though there’s a pole right behind him. “Moose, Moose, Moose,” Meg says in a chiding tone, a tone that Sam despises.

“What?” he can’t help but ask.

“It’s almost time.” Meg smiles and it sends a shiver down Sam’s back.

It’s almost time means Sam is running out of time. _Castiel, please hurry_.

***

Castiel searches. He knows if he finds Sam dead, Dean will never forgive himself. Castiel doesn’t quite understand the letter. He assumes it has to do with the intricacies of humans that he just doesn’t quite comprehend, yet.

Castiel thinks about the puzzle that is Sam Winchester. He is a mass of contradictions. Demon blood is running through his veins, but Sam always tries to do the right thing. He knows he is allowed to be weak around his brother, allowed to lean on his brother, but at the same time, he’s extremely strong and brave, doing everything he can to stand on his own two feet. He’s so different from Dean and not just in the physical aspect. Even so, Castiel find himself drawn to Sam in a very similar way to how he is drawn to Dean.

Castiel may not know a lot about how humans work, but he knows that it’s not right to care for two brothers in the same way. Even though he feels incomplete by just being with Dean, and not with Sam as well, Castiel knows it will have to suffice.

It’s time that Castiel admits it to himself though. He doesn’t just fear for Sam’s life because of Dean. He fears for Sam’s life for himself.

Suddenly Castiel sees something in his mind, as if it’s being projected there, and he thinks he knows where Sam is and who has him.

***

Sam is dragged with unnatural strength. Then again, Sam is dealing with demons. He knows he should be putting up at least a little bit of a fight, but he feels so weak. He knows that was Meg’s plan from the beginning—weaken Sam so much that he is unable to fight—and it worked.

With heavy lidded eyes, he sees something drawn on the ground. Around the odd symbol, a symbol Sam has never seen before, there are candles and some type of plant.

Sam puts up a token resistance, but it’s no good. The demons work together. His legs are spread wide. He can’t tell what they’re tied to; all he knows is that he can’t move them. He can see his arms restrained above his head to the grey pole.

His position makes him think of Jesus Christ on a cross, but it’s not exactly the same.

“Do you know what you are going to be doing for me?” Meg asks, a taunt in her voice.

Sam shakes his head. He wants to know what he’s unintentionally causing.

“You will be unleashing Lucifer.” She laughs.

Sam’s body grows cold. _I thought Lucifer was trapped in the cage forever._

“I know you thought he’d never get out,” she continues and Sam wonders if he spoke his thought out loud. “I didn’t believe there was any other way, either. Until I began researching, at least.”

Sam wants to tell her to ‘shut up.’ He doesn’t want to hear her gloat. He stops himself though, realizing it buys much needed time. Inwardly, Sam thinks it’s useless. He doubts Dean and Castiel even realize he was kidnapped. And if they did, there isn’t a big chance that he’ll be found.

Sam knows his shirt’s being ripped off as Meg continues to talk. “Anyway, there is a way to call Lucifer and it’s a way he would despise. To call Lucifer, there needs to be a sacrifice of his true vessel. When Lucifer is able to come forth, _you_ , my dear Moose, are dead. That’s not even the best part.” Her smile is wide. “Lucifer will be trapped in your body and all of his power will be in my control due to a tether that will be created at the ritual’s completion. You along with Lucifer, my dear Moose, will just be my puppet. With all of his power, Crowley will be out and I will rule Hell. There will be no one to stand in my way.”

Sam swallows. He knew that when Meg mentioned a ritual, it wouldn’t be good, but this is way worse than what he was expecting. Even so, Sam isn’t surprised. Meg is all about self-interest. The only time she does anything is when it benefits herself in some way. Even when she was helping them with Castiel, it still benefited her because she needed protection from Crowley.

If she succeeds though, the Apocalypse might not be restarted because Lucifer would be trapped within Sam’s body, but Meg being in charge of Hell is probably worse than Crowley. The male demon seemed to at least fear the Winchesters; if not respect them. Meg didn’t seem inclined either way. Dean wouldn’t stand a chance. The first thing on Meg’s to-do list would be to destroy Dean.

Sam doesn’t want to even consider what the world will become if Meg takes over Hell.

Suddenly, Sam feels a piercing pain in his stomach. He tries to see what’s going on, even though he should just close his eyes, grit his teeth, and bear it. Still, Sam cranes his neck.

Meg is laughing as she shows him the knife. Sam sees his own blood on it and feels dizzy. It has never been easy to gross Sam out. If one is a hunter, they can’t have trouble with blood or other bodily fluids. Knowing what his blood is being used for though, puts everything in a whole new perspective.

She continues to carve into his stomach. What she’s carving exactly, Sam doesn’t know.

Sam turns his head away and sees the demon rearranging some of the items around him. A demon in a male body sees him looking and smirks. He comes over with a knife out and Sam closes his eyes. He feels the knife slice his neck. It’s not deep enough to be fatal though.

Sam opens his eyes, trying to avoid thinking about the sticky liquid that is dripping from his neck. The demon smears Sam’s blood on the symbol that Sam is in the center of.

Sam knows what’s happening. When he dies, it’s going to be from blood loss. He wants to disappear into his mind. He tries to think happy thoughts. He remembers Bones; he loved that dog. He remembers meeting Jess and being so blissfully ignorant of what Dean was going through.

He feels another stab, causing Sam to flinch.

Sam remembers how Dean used to read him stories every night. He remembers that no matter what Dean was doing, Sam was always invited. No matter how much time Dean spent with him, he never made Sam feel like a burden.

He remembers seeing Dean after he came back from Hell for the first time. Despite all of the secrets he had, Dean was alive. He had the most important person in his life back at his side.

Another stab and this time it’s through the arm. Obviously they don’t want Sam dying too soon. His vision begins to blur. He closes his eyes. Part of Sam thinks it would be nice to just let darkness claim him, but he knows he has to fight it. He needs to keep a lookout for a chance to escape, no matter how small the chance actually is.

Meg is now standing over him, smiling with that maniacal look most demons have in their eyes. She cuts her arm and Sam thinks she’s going to make him drink her blood. Of course that doesn’t make any sense. The last thing she wants is for him to gain any strength.

She doesn’t do anything with her bloody arm right away. She seems to be waiting for something. Sam turns his head, watching as the demons continue to smear his blood on the symbol. _Wonder if she’s waiting for them to be done before continuing._ His thoughts are fuzzy, but he’s still coherent enough to be thinking of an escape route.

The demons step back from their handiwork. Her smirk scares Sam, but he’s too weak to fight the impending doom. She nods at a demon before kneeling down. Some unknown demon comes and rips Sam up so he’s no longer laying down. Sam was still tied down though and feels his shoulders being ripped from their sockets. Sam screams, his eyes watering.

His throat is raw before he stops the screaming. It seems Meg wants Sam to watch. She places her bloody arm on the symbol carved into Sam’s stomach, she begins to chant. As the chant is going on, Sam feels and sees his blood boiling. He won’t be dying from blood loss like he originally expected.

His eyes droop despite the searing pain. He sees his blood on his stomach, bubbling around Meg’s arm. He wants it all to go away. _Please, help me_ , he thinks wearily, but there really is no hope behind it.

All of the sudden, there is a large amount of noises and light. Sam tries to focus, but he can’t. _At least my blood stopped boiling_. It’s his last thought before he stops fighting the darkness.

***

There’s a sound of wings and Dean turns around. He’s still at the side of the highway. The police have long gone and asked if he had needed a ride somewhere. Dean had turned them away, wanting to wait for Castiel.

Dean looks hopeful at Castiel’s appearance, but the hope quickly dies when he sees the angel’s haunted expression on a face that almost never shows emotion.

Dean is afraid to ask, but he has to. “Is he...” Dean swallows. “Is he dead?”

Without answering, Castiel grabs Dean’s shoulder, taking off angel travel. When he knows they have stopped, Dean cautiously opens his eyes, afraid of what he’ll find. They’re in the motel room, and Dean’s eyes immediately go to Sam’s bed.

He nearly collapses at the sight. Sam, to put it plainly, is a mess of blood and gashes. His arms are hanging at a weird angle as if his shoulders have both been pulled out of their sockets. He looks at Castiel who looks just as frightened. Dean has to ask again. “Is he dead?”

“Not yet, and I’ll do everything I can to make sure it doesn’t become a reality.”

Dean waves an impatient hand. “Heal him then. What are you waiting for?”

Castiel nods, but he seems to hesitate. “I’m going to do everything I can…”

Dean’s eyes narrow. “I hear a ‘but’ in there. What is it?”

“There may be some long term side effects. I’m not sure what they were attempting, but there is no way of knowing how his body is going to react.”

Dean can see Castiel is afraid of accidentally causing Sam’s death because he tried to heal him and needs to put his lover at ease. The angel is Sam’s only hope. “The way I see it, he’s going to die if left like this. There is no way he’s going to heal naturally from his injuries. At least with you trying to fix him, Sam has a chance. So do it. Please Castiel. At least if it doesn’t work out the way I want, I’ll know everything possible was tried.”

Castiel nods and slowly approaches Sam.

He places his hands on Sam’s body and seems to focus. Dean sees Sam’s injuries disappear before his eyes. Even his arms are no longer at an odd angle.

When Castiel steps back, Dean watches Sam closely. He frowns when his little brother doesn’t wake up, doesn’t even move. “Cas?”

Castiel sighs. “I told you there may be long term side effects.”

“I thought you could bring people out of comas. You’re a fucking angel!”

Castiel’s eyes meets Dean’s. “If the coma was induced because of the injuries, he should be out of it.”

“Then why isn’t he?” Dean demands.

“Probably because he doesn’t want to be. Dean, we may not know _exactly_ what happened, but we know he was tortured. His injuries are testament to that fact. I may not understand the human psyche all that well, but maybe his mind is keeping him comatose purposely due to fear.”

“We’ve been through a lot worse and this never happened,” Dean says defensively.

“You were always there,” Castiel points out gently. “Essentially, he was alone through this whole ordeal. He probably has no idea we were looking for him. Most likely he thinks we never found out about him being captured. Maybe he’s afraid to wake up because he fears he’ll still be alone, and he doesn’t want to face that fact.”

Dean turns away, really wanting a beer, but he knew that wouldn’t help Sam. He isn’t good with emotional junk. “What do we do then?” he asks, turning back to his angelic lover. “How do we bring him back? How can we show him he’s not alone?”

Castiel hesitates.

Dean, growing impatient, makes a gesture. “Out with it.”

“I can go into his mind and talk to him. If he sees he’s not alone, he should wake up. It’s risky though. If his mind isn’t at ease, it could be difficult to find him. I could become trapped or get lost. I might even damage his mind if I’m not careful enough.”

“Well, you’ll just have to be careful, won’t you? Your idea is the only idea we have.”

Castiel nods. “I was afraid you would say that.”

***

Castiel mentally prepares himself. He has no idea what kind of rough terrain he might face inside Sam’s mind.

Concentrating, he sees a door and mentally opens it before stepping inside. He hears it close and opens his eyes once again. He looks and sees the grey door behind him. _I just hope I can find it once again_.

Castiel then turns back to search what’s in front of him and it’s nothing like what Castiel expects. It’s grey and mountainous. There’s nothing happy about Sam’s mind, but considering what he was subjected to, Castiel excuses the underlying depression.

When Castiel squints, he sees door upon door. He hopes his thoughts are wrong, but he has a feeling they’re not. He has the idea that Sam’s essence is behind one of these doors. To get Sam to wake up, he bets he needs to bring Sam out of the door, and to the door he entered the mind from.

Castiel wonders if there are any clues about what door it would be. Castiel shakes his head. _That would be too easy_. He surprises himself with that thought. _I think Dean’s cynicism has rubbed off on me_.

Castiel shrugs his shoulders – an action he knows is very human. He knows it’s another thing that he’s gotten from the Winchester brothers. He goes to a door he sees on the left. When he opens it, he sees a small child being picked up by larger kids. Then he sees an older child coming to the small child’s defense and scaring the bullies away. _It must be one of Sam’s childhood memories._ _Dean really has always been there for Sam, even at that young age_. Castiel closes the door.

He goes to another door on the left and opens it. The scene is of child Dean making dinner for child Sam. He closes it, deciding not to linger.

He goes to another door and opens it. It’s of Dean giving Sam a cupcake. “Blow out the candles, Sammy.” Sam does so. “Happy 9th birthday.”

Sam smiles, but Castiel can tell it’s forced. “Where’s dad?”

“I told you, Sammy. He’s on a hunt.”

Sam nods, but even Castiel can see the sadness in them.

Castiel closes the door, feeling sad for the Winchester brothers’ lost childhood.

He has a feeling that the early doors are going to all have to do with Sam’s childhood. He goes past a few doors.

Stopping randomly, when he feels he’s walked far enough, he opens another door. He sees a ghost throw a young Sam against a gravestone. Then he sees an angry Dean hit the ghost with something made of iron, while another figure salts and burns the corpse. _This must be when Sam and Dean are kids, after Sam has started to hunt._ He sees the figure who is obviously Dean and Sam’s father. He ignores an injured Sam to clap Dean on his shoulder. “You did a good job, son.”

Dean happily smiles up at his father before going to help Sam up.

Castiel wonders if John Winchester made a habit of ignoring Sam like that, if Dean always had to pick up the slack. It would definitely explain Sam’s bitterness where his father was concerned. Castiel can’t really blame him if that memory is similar to what always happened.

He closes the door, grateful that Dean was there for Sam when their own father wasn’t.

Castiel goes down a little further before choosing a door to open. This time he sees an older Sam, probably about sixteen. He’s alone and Castiel is a bit disappointed to not see a Dean of twenty. He wonders how the man would have looked.

His attention is drawn back to Sam, who is palming a visible erection through his jeans. Castiel swallows. He knows he should close the door right now. He doesn’t, though. He watches as Sam arches his back slightly as he squeezes. Castiel watches the hand as it goes to the buttons on Sam’s jeans. He sees Sam pop the jeans open and push them down so his young, teenage dick pops out, half hard already.

Castiel’s mouth goes dry at the sight of Sam touching himself so intimately. He should leave now. This is a big invasion of privacy, but Castiel can’t make himself move. He feels himself harden, but he doesn’t dare move to touch himself.

He hears Sam’s pants and soft moans, as he rubs the precum over his cock’s head, making himself all nice and slippery. He sees Sam’s hands get faster and faster, until finally Sam arches his back, shoots his load, and screams, “Dean!”

Castiel comes back to himself, quickly closing the door. He knows what he saw and heard. Sam was pleasuring himself while thinking of his older brother.

Castiel knows he should not have that information, but he does. He just doesn’t know what to do with it.

Castiel goes to other doors. He sees Sam contemplating going to Stanford, believing the distance would help him get past his abnormal feelings for Dean. He sees Sam meeting Jess and the girl’s untimely death. He sees as Sam’s dormant feelings for Dean awaken as he silently craves his brother’s touch.

He sees Sam’s heartache when Dean pushes him away after their father’s death. He also sees Sam’s anger at their father for doing this to Dean.

He sees Sam’s anger and pain after Dean’s death, knowing he couldn’t save the person that he loved most in the world. He sees how Sam falls prey to the demon, Ruby, and Castiel begins to understand just how vulnerable Sam truly was. Castiel remembers how harsh he was to Sam during that time and feels guilty, another human emotion that Castiel despises.

He sees Sam’s wonderment when he meets Castiel for the first time and the hurt when Castiel basically ignores him. Castiel pushes the guilt away once again.

He sees Sam watch Castiel with a strange look in his eyes. That strange look is always there in the memories that feature Castiel. Eventually, Castiel sees something else that definitely wasn’t meant for his eyes. It is very similar to the scene of Sam pleasuring himself with thoughts of Dean.

This time it’s Castiel’s name he shouts out. Castiel’s eyes are wide with the new piece of information that Sam is lusting after him. He never would have thought it without the proof right there in front of him. He feels happiness, knowing how Sam feels about him. He closes the door, wondering what to do now that he knows. There’s time for that later. Right now he needs to focus on finding Sam.

Castiel chooses a door a little further down. When he opens it, the memory is of Sam talking to himself. Castiel isn’t interested in some inane conversation Sam had with himself, and he’s about to close the door when something Sam said catches his attention.

“Neither Dean nor Castiel would ever want me. I’m Dean’s brother. That’s incest and wrong on so many levels. Castiel is an angel; I’m the ‘boy with demon blood’ running through his veins. We don’t fit. The only reason Castiel even tolerates my presence is for Dean.” Castiel doesn’t like that Sam thinks that. He’ll have to address that issue to Sam at a later date, when all of this is behind them. He tunes back into Sam’s monologue with himself. “…and Castiel love each other. Even if they can’t love me, at least I know they’d be happy together. Could I deal with seeing them together, knowing I’d never be a part of it, always on the outside, though?” Sam’s expression is troubled. “I think I can, and all I really want is for them to be happy together, even if I’m excluded.” Sam seems to come to a resolution. “I’ll do it. I’ll get them together if it’s the last thing I do.”

Castiel closes the door quietly. _Is that why Sam ran away? Was seeing us together too much for him?_ Castiel knows that if his feelings for the both of them had been really strong, Sam must have been in immense pain for weeks before he decided to leave. Castiel remembers how Sam withdrew from the two of them, remembers how he barely slept. Castiel remembers how Dean had to practically force feed Sam. Castiel feels guilty, knowing that he contributed to Sam’s pain. It is too late to go back, though. The only thing they could do is move forward. And to do that, Castiel has to find Sam. He’ll figure what to do about his knowledge later.

Castiel sees other memories of Sam’s feelings of loneliness as he watched Castiel and Dean, making the angel realize that they really did seem to exclude Sam quite a bit.

He finds the memories of Sam’s torture. Although he wants to stay and see what the plans had been, he doesn’t. He doesn’t want to see how Sam became so bloodied. He doesn’t think he can stomach it.

Castiel knows he should be getting closer to Sam, but there are no more doors. He walks forwards, hoping something will happen. Suddenly, the atmosphere surrounding Castiel changes. It becomes stormy and Castiel knows he’s getting closer to Sam. The weather is supposed to keep the angel at bay, like a defense mechanism. If Castiel is anything though, it’s persistent. It comes in handy right now, too.

He keeps walking as the wind harshly blows. Up ahead, a door appears. Castiel approaches it, hoping to see Sam Winchester behind it and not another defense.

He opens it cautiously. When he sees Sam inside, laying on a bed with his back to Castiel, he first thinks it’s another memory. But then Sam turns to face him. “Castiel?”

Now he knows it’s not a memory. In all of the other memories, Sam’s never acknowledged him.

“Hey Sam.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to bring you home,” he says cautiously, not sure how Sam will react.

“I don’t want to go,” Sam pouts.

Castiel almost smiles, but doesn’t. Sam has been through a lot and he’s afraid how he might lash out. “Why not?”

“I’m all alone there.”

“You’re alone here, too,” Castiel can’t help but point out. He instantly regrets it, though. The first thing he should have done is to tell Sam that he wasn’t alone.

Sam sits up and snaps his fingers. Suddenly there’s Dean Winchester, but Castiel knows it’s not the _real_ Dean Winchester. “I can create anyone I want. I’ll never be alone here.”

“It’s all an illusion, though,” Castiel says, keeping his voice gentle.

Sam smiles sadly. “Sometimes illusions are better than the real things.”

“How so?”

Sam bites his lips, looking uncertain and unbearably cute. Sam then stands up and kisses the illusion Dean right on the lips, a kiss that is happily returned. Sam pulls away first.

“See, illusions can be better than the reality.”

Castiel’s mouth had gone dry during the kiss. Instead of being disgusted, he is weirdly turned on by the sight of them together. _If only this Dean Winchester was real_.

He approaches Sam. “Do you know how much heartache you’re causing Dean right now?” Sam shakes his head and Castiel wants to shake Sam’s body, hoping to shake some sense into him. “When Dean first discovered you were missing, the only thing that kept him from falling apart was his mission to find you. And then when he first saw you, after I saved you, Dean thought you were dead. That’s how broken you looked. And now to stay trapped in your own mind because you’re scared, how selfish can you be?”

Sam is crying. “You don’t get it, do you? I know this is all an illusion, but I like this illusion. It doesn’t hurt. I watched the two of you for months. I just can’t take it anymore. I thought I’d be okay watching the two men I love, love each other. I guess I’m not a big enough person to be able to handle it.”

Castiel softens. He knows how much pain Sam is feeling and he feels guilty that he didn’t realize it before he saw the memories. He hugs Sam. “You can’t do this to Dean. He’ll never forgive himself.”

“It hurts so much. I know neither of you could ever love me. I’m a despicable, selfish—”

“Stop right there,” Castiel interrupts that self-hatred tirade. “One thing I want to address is something I saw in one of your memories when I was searching for you. I don’t tolerate you simply for Dean. Maybe I didn’t do a good job of showing you, but I care for you because of you. Maybe at the beginning I was drawn more to Dean as Heaven sent me to guard him, but even if Dean was out of the picture, I’d still care for you. You’re more than just the ‘boy with the demon blood.’ You’re brave and intelligent. You’re persistent and honorable. All of those are qualities you should be proud of.”

“Did you see all of my memories?”

“Many of them,” Castiel admits.

“Then you must know not only my sick feelings for Dean, even if I hadn’t kissed the fake Dean, but my sick feelings for you.”

Castiel nods. “Am I running away, though?”

“Why aren’t you?” Sam asks, his voice vulnerable.

“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you.” Sam’s eyes widen and Castiel leans down, kissing Sam.

Castiel closes his eyes and feels Sam resist at first, before the younger Winchester gives in. Sam’s mouth opens up underneath his. Castiel knows this is an illusion, but wonders if this is how Sam truly kisses. If the answer is yes, then Sam is truly a gifted kisser.

His tongue explores Sam’s mouth as the young body presses against him. He feels the hard cock and wants to touch and taste. It’s a yearning Castiel has been fighting off for a long time. He pushes Sam onto the bed and his lips move to Sam’s neck.

His arms are scratched by Sam’s blunt nails as his body arches. Suddenly he is forcefully thrown across the room.

Castiel blinks, confused about what happened. One second he’s devouring a very tempting mouth and neck, the next second he’s being ejected.

He sees Sam still on the bed, hugging his knees. “I’m sorry,” he whimpers.

Castiel stands up and cautiously approaches him, not wanting to make any sudden movements that would scare him. “What for?”

“I kissed you,” Sam says as if it’s obvious.

“ _I_ kissed _you_ ,” Castiel explains. “You have nothing to be sorry about.”

“What about Dean? Even if this whole thing is one big illusion, it’s still a betrayal. I won’t hurt Dean that way.”

Castiel knows Sam is right, but he has a strong inkling that Dean wouldn’t mind all that much. In fact, Castiel has a strong suspicion, that Dean would find the two of them together a major turn on.

Castiel always turned a blind eye when Dean looked at his brother in a lustful way. In fact, he thought it was a good thing. It stopped Castiel from feeling guilty about his thoughts of impropriety.

He can’t tell Sam that. Not yet, not until he talks to Dean. First he needs to get Sam to come back with him, to wake up. “Sam, I promise you. You’ll never be alone. Please come back with me. Wake up.”

Sam doesn’t answer.

Castiel plays the card he knows will work. “Do you want Dean to blame himself forever? You know he will. You know the size of his guilt complex.”

Sam meets Castiel’s eyes. “Tell him it’s not his fault.”

“If you really think that will work, you don’t know Dean as well as I thought. And there’s no guarantee he wouldn’t try to make a deal with a demon to bring you back.”

“He wouldn’t do that again.”

“Are you 100% positive of that? I’m not.”

“He has you now, though.” Sam is trying to rationalize, wanting so desperately to stay cocooned.

“Last time he had Bobby. That didn’t stop him.”

Sam hugs himself, but doesn’t answer.

Castiel needs to figure out a way to get through to Sam. “Sam, Dean loves you. No one would ever be able to take your place. If you never came back, it would be like him losing the other half of his soul. Remember, you guys shared heaven.”

“He has you; he doesn’t need me anymore.”

Castiel wants to yell in frustration, but keeps his facial expression even. “I could never take your place. Dean loves you in a way that he doesn’t love anyone else.”

“Not in the way I want him to.”

Castiel turns away. He’s debating whether he should tell Sam about his suspicions. He really wants to talk to Dean first so he doesn’t get Sam’s hope up, only to crush it once again. He may not have any choice, though. That hope might be the only thing to get Sam to leave the safety of his mind.

Just when Castiel has decided to come forth with the coveted information, a storm kicks up in the room as it begins to shake. It reminds Castiel of an earthquake. “What’s going on!?”

Sam looks scared. “I think my body is being shaken. Did you kill all of the demons?”

“Meg got away. She used the other demons as a distraction,” Castiel admits.

“Is it her then?”

“No way, I made sure the room was protected, especially when I know Dean is going to be distracted.” It’s as if he suddenly understands what’s going on. “It’s Dean.”

“Why would he be doing this?”

“I’ve been gone for awhile. Knowing Dean, he has lost patience, and is doing everything he can to get you back.”

Sam is holding on to his bed. “You need to go. Tell Dean I’m happy here.”

Castiel loses his temper. He stomps over to Sam and shakes him as the room shakes. “Can’t you see what you being here is doing to Dean? He needs you. You’re the person that keeps him grounded. Without you, I’m afraid what would happen.”

Sam pushes Castiel’s hands away. “ _I_ keep _him_ grounded. He’s the one that has always kept me grounded. Why do you think I went crazy when he died? My anchor was gone. But—”

Castiel cuts Sam’s refusal with another kiss, but keeps it chaste. “You can understand what it’s like to be without an anchor. Don’t do that to him. There is a lot of stuff you don’t know about.”

“Like what?” Sam asks.

“I want to talk to Dean first. Just come back with me.” The room stops shaking, as if Dean has given up. “I promise you, it will be better this time.”

Sam stares into Castiel’s eyes, as if trying to see into his heart. He must see something because he pulls away. At first, Castiel thinks Sam is going to once again say ‘no,’ but he goes to the door. “You coming, Cas?”

Castiel smiles, relieved. Sam is coming home. He just hopes he has not read Dean wrong. If what Castiel expects is true, then the three of them could get everything they ever wanted. Castiel prays to his Father that he sure is no longer up there. _Father, just give us this. After everything you have put us through, we deserve this one small happiness. Please Father._

***

Dean is pacing. He really had hoped that the shaking and screaming would have helped. He remembers hearing one time that a comatose patient can hear when they’re spoken to.

Dean's not sure if screaming and shaking really counts, but he was at a loss about what to do. His eyes are fastened to Sam's immobile body. He doesn't see when Castiel comes out of whatever he was doing. He does hear the angel moving, letting Dean know he's back. He does see Sam's eyes fluttering open. Dean is so happy to see his little brother's hazel eyes staring back at him.

Dean helps Sam to sit up. Sam looks down at himself, probably assessing for injuries that are no longer there.

When Sam looks back up, Dean lays into him. "You have a lot to explain, mister! What were you thinking, running off like a coward?!"

"Dean—" Castiel tries to intercept, but Dean plows on with his tirade.

"I don't care what it is, but if you have a problem, you talk. You've always been the one to talk things to death, and suddenly you're incapable of opening your mouth when something's bothering you?! Unbelievable!"

"Dean—" Castiel tries once again to intervene, but Dean keeps going on.

"Maybe if you hadn't run away like a child, you would have never been kidnapped, and who-knows-what would have never been done to you. You have only yourself to blame for being abducted."

"Dean!" Castiel yells.

Dean is forced to stop to take deep, wrenching breaths, so Castiel's admonishment penetrates the haze of anger surrounding him. That's when he sees Sam's tears.

Dean doesn't want to let go of his anger. It's easier to deal with then the worry and feeling of betrayal. He's always been powerless in the face of Sammy's tears, though. Dean crumbles just like he always did in the past, too.

He sits on the bed, collapsing as if all his energy has suddenly drained out of him. "Sammy, please don't cry. I'm just so hurt that you decided leaving was better than talking about whatever was bothering you.Can you tell me why? You sometimes kept things from me, but those were always things you thought would upset me. Even then, you didn't leave. What could you have possibly done that is worse than demon blood?" Dean sees Sam glance at Castiel and that angers him. What does Castiel know that Dean doesn't? "Sam!" Sam flinches at Dean's bark and guilt washes over him. Gentler, he repeats, "Sam."

"You really want to know what’s worse than demon blood?"

Dean nods, but suddenly isn't so sure he wants to know. There's no going back now, though. Dean can see the stubborn set of Sam's chin. Even if Dean changes his mind, he's going to find out no matter what.

"I'm not only in love with my older brother's boyfriend, but I'm also in love with my older brother!" Sam gets off of the bed and Dean is so surprised by Sam's confession, that he doesn't stop him. Thankfully, Castiel isn't thrown, something he's going to revisit in his mind later on, and grips the struggling body to keep him in the room.

Dean shakes his head just as Castiel loses his patience and puts his fingers to Sam's forehead, sending the youngest member in the group to sleep. Castiel gently lays Sam on the bed he vacated before turning to face Dean.

Dean is still too shocked to speak after the confession.

Castiel rolls his eyes and Dean has become so used to the humanized Castiel that it doesn't even faze him any longer. "Don't you dare act like you're repulsed! I know very well that you are anything but disgusted by the idea."

"What do you mean?" Dean asks, not daring to hope. Castiel doesn't sound upset with the idea of his lover wanting his brother in a very impure way. He sees Castiel look at the slumbering figure; he sees Castiel's eyes soften. He has to wonder about Castiel's feelings for Sam. The way Castiel is looking at Sam, it reminds Dean of the way he's looked at by the angel. Dean doesn't feel jealous of the knowledge that Castiel's feelings might be divided. He'd be a hypocrite if he was. What he does feel is hope, hope that the three of them might be able to be happy together.

Castiel is now looking at him. "Sam hid inside his head because it was easier to be in there, then having to watch us be together and not being included. He felt lonely out here. It was too painful for him to watch us together, so he ran, feeling as if his feelings would never be returned."

Dean goes to the bed and softly touches Sam's cheek. He feels Castiel behind him and lets the sinewy arms wrap around him.

Castiel's lips touch Dean's ear. "Sam was wrong, wasn't he?"

Dean shivers at Castiel's breathy whisper. "Yes, I want Sam so badly; it's so hard sometimes to keep my distance."

Castiel kisses Dean's neck. "Lucky you. You don't have to anymore. Not only does Sam want you just as badly, but I want the both of you. I want to feel both of your hands touch me, bring me to release. How does that sound?"

"Too good to be true," Dean admits. 

"It is true, though. In Sam's head, he was able to create illusions. He created a fake Dean and I witnessed a very hot kiss. The only thing that would have made it hotter was if it had been you and not an illusion."

Dean’s eyes are fastened to the bed. He suddenly can't wait for Sam to wake up.

***

Sam's eyes flutter open. The first thing he sees is a head resting on his chest. He knows whose head that is. "Dean?"

"Hey, Sammy."

Sam feels dread in the pit of his stomach. "I'm so sorry. I'm such a freak."

Dean chuckles, finally lifting his head to meet Sam's eyes. "You're not the only freak."

Sam is afraid of the hope that is blossoming in his chest. "You mean –"

Dean's lips seal over Sam's. They're soft and hard all at the same time. Dean's tongue is relentless until Sam opens his mouth and yields to the ruthless appendage. Sam groans as Dean's fingers play with his hair.

Sam bucks and Dean continues to hold him down.  Sam feels himself hardening and pulls Dean closer. Sam's hands go down to Dean's back, to hold his brother as close as possible. He wants to touch Dean's firm ass, but can't, due to their current position. It's just not possible, unfortunately.

Dean's lips move to Sam's neck and he moans at the feather-soft kisses. Sam's eyes are open, but only very slightly. Even though Sam is barely aware of his surroundings, he still sees Castiel calmly watching the scene unfold.

In a panic, he pushes Dean away, totally forgetting Castiel and him shared a very similar scene in his head. "Castiel? Dean? Is this some kind of sick joke? Something to just spice up your sex life? Dean, how could you do that to me?"

"Stop it," Dean commands firmly. "How dare you accuse me of being so uncaring of your feelings. You know me better than that."

"Then why?"

Dean shakes his head, as if he can't believe the stupidity that is Sam. "Because I love you in the same immoral and dirty way that you love me."

"Love is never immoral or dirty," Castiel says.

"It is when it's incest," Sam refutes.

"No it isn't," Castiel calmly answers.

“Sammy,” Dean says. “Look at me.” Sam does and sees something in Dean’s eyes, something he’s only ever dreamed of. “I’ve wanted you for so long. It doesn’t matter what people would say about us if they knew we were brothers. All that matters is what we feel and whether it’s real. And I think the answer is yes, it is real and the feeling is not going away.”

Sam initiates a kiss and loses himself in the feeling of Dean’s lips. It’s better than Sam ever imagined it would be, better than the imitation in his mind. He remembers something. He forces himself to pull back, knowing he might lose his chance to have Dean with his next question. “What about Castiel?”

Dean looks at the angel who up until then had been quiet. His smile is soft when he turns back to Sam. “I heard about the moment you two shared in your mind.”

Sam blushes, ready to hear words of anger from Dean. He’s surprised when Dean leans down and whispers, “It turned me on.”

“Really?” Sam squeaks. Yes, _squeaks_.

“Really. The only thing I don’t like was that I hadn’t been able to watch.”

When Dean leans down and kisses Sam, he returns it. He arches up and feels Dean’s arousal. Sam moans when Dean’s lips trail down to his neck and latches on. Eyes hooded, Sam looks over at Castiel, who seems to be _very_ interested in the proceedings, if the tent in Castiel’s pants are any indication. He reaches out to the angel, beckoning him closer. He feels Dean’s grin against his neck and knows his brother approves of the idea.

When Castiel reaches the bed, Sam sits up, letting his neck fall from Dean’s lips. He ignores Dean’s groan of frustration and puts his own hands on Castiel’s pants, looking up questionably.

Castiel nods minutely and Sam quickly unbuttons the pants, taking out his engorged cock. Sam unconsciously licks his lips at how big Castiel is. He presses his lips against the head, letting his tongue play lightly before swallowing him as far as he can. He can’t take Castiel to the root, but he does take him pretty far.

When he hears Castiel’s moan of appreciation as hands find their way to his hair, he smiles around the cock. He uses his hands to grip what his mouth doesn’t cover. He bobs his head and stiffens when light hands go under his shirt to rub his back. He relaxes when he realizes the touch is familiar.

Castiel plays with his hair while Dean works on taking Sam’s pants off. He feels them be lowered along with his boxers. He feels embarrassed about being so bare before the two of them, but loses it when Dean’s lips start kissing his butt cheeks. Each cheek is licked and kissed while Dean’s fingers probe his entrance lightly.

Sam jumps at the cold feeling, not sure when Dean had time to get lube. Castiel continues to thrust in his mouth as Dean thrusts his fingers repeatedly. Sam feels as if he’s the meat in the sandwich, and he loves the feeling.

When Dean presses in from behind, Sam pushes back, taking his mouth off Castiel’s straining erection. He hisses at the pain, but continues to slowly press back. Dean’s hands grip Sam’s hair, pulling on it so Sam’s head tilts back. Their lips meet in a passionate kiss, teeth biting until lips bleed.

When Dean is fully inside, Castiel’s fingers graze down Sam’s chest, tweaking nipples. Sam’s cock leaps where it is, fat and flush as it dangles between his legs. Sam leans down to take Castiel in his mouth once again. As he licks Castiel like a lollipop, Sam’s hips rock backward onto Dean’s hard cock. He’s so close. He knows it.

He’s lost in the taste that is pure Castiel. Or really, it’s pure Jimmy, but Sam doesn’t want to think about that. He loves the weight of it in his mouth. Castiel’s thighs are shaking under Sam’s hands, fingers carding through Sam’s hair. Sam’s name is falling from both Castiel and Dean’s lips.

His prostrate is struck, repeatedly, by Dean’s rigid cock. “You feel so good, Sammy,” Dean says, voice cracking, and Sam moans around Castiel’s cock, sending vibrations. Castiel begins to fuck Sam’s face ruthlessly.

Sam relaxes his throat as much as possible and simply takes what the angel dishes out. He moans again as he feels everything build up, letting the feeling of being fucked in two holes wash over him.

“You’re so good,” Castiel murmurs as Sam gazes up at him. Castiel lets out a quiet cry and comes, pulsing thick and hot into Sam’s mouth, fingers tightening and releasing in Sam’s hair.

Sam opens his mouth and Castiel takes his cock, slapping it against his tongue before rubbing it against Sam’s left cheek.

He is distracted from Castiel’s porn star-like moves when Dean, who continues to thrust, takes one hand from Sam’s most likely bruised hips, and encloses Sam’s cock. He bucks into the hand. All it takes is a couple of strokes, a hard rub against his prostrate, and Castiel’s fingers trailing down to his nipples once again, and Sam’s coming so hard he whites out, can feel it all the way down to his toes.

Sam slumps forward as Dean continues to relentlessly plunge into him. Hands grip his neck from behind as he’s pushed forward on the bed. He feels the come as it spurts inside of him, making him feel sticky and gross, but a good sticky and gross.

Dean slumps next to him, firmly holding Sam around the waist. Sam looks up at Castiel, who's standing up next to the bed limp cock hanging out of his pants. Dean seems to notice as well because he forces Castiel to lie next to them. Sam falls asleep, sandwiched between the two of them.

***

When Sam wakes up, he still feels tired. The first thing he notices is that he’s also hurting, but it’s in a pleasant way. The second thing he notices is Dean and Castiel are no longer next to him. At first, he thinks fearfully that it was all a dream. A very vivid dream, but a dream nonetheless. Then he hears whispers.

The two of them are sitting next to each other at the table, totally lost in one another. Dean’s mouth is gently exploring Castiel’s, hands caressing multiple body parts. Castiel is craning his head, leaning into Dean’s soft touch and making little mewling sounds.

Sam feels his throat close up. They look so right together, like they belong. Why is Sam kidding himself? What does he possibly have that he can offer the two of them? They are better off without him.

When Sam sits up reluctantly, both quickly stop what they’re doing to look at him. Sam sees Dean’s wide smile, before it becomes a frown. Castiel’s head is tilted, wearing a look of confusion.

“Sammy?” Dean asks.

“Dean…” Sam begins, but he doesn’t know how to say what he needs to say.

“Don’t!” Castiel’s voice is uncharacteristically firm.

“What?” Dean’s head turns. He faces Castiel before facing Sam. “What’s going on? Cas?”

“Sam was about to tell us what we did last night was a mistake. I’m not going to let him say that?”

“Sammy?”

Sam looks away from Deans sorrowful eyes. “Guys, I loved it last night. You two don’t need me, though. You two are better off without me.”

“Shut up!” Dean barks as he strides over to the bed. “Castiel was right to quiet you. You don’t get to decide what’s best for us. You don’t get to make that decision without any input from us. Do you know what we talked about before you woke up?"

Sam shakes his head.

“We talked about how it was good between the two of us.” Sam opens his mouth, but Dean puts a hand over it, preventing him from talking. “We talked about how even though it was good between us before, it was better with you. Both of us had felt like something was missing before. That something was you. So you don’t get to decide it was a mistake. It was the best thing that could have happened to all three of us.” Dean takes his hand away from Sam’s mouth.

Castiel strides over to them. His hands are soft when they rest on Sam’s hair. “How can we convince you we both want you?”

“I don’t know,” he freely admits. “I’ve spent so much time thinking neither of you could ever want me, especially not in this way. It will take awhile for me to believe otherwise, I guess.”

Castiel nods. “We’ll start with this.” He pushes Sam so he’s laying down and straddles him. Castiel grinds downward and Sam’s cock awakens. “I got to watch Dean fuck you, which was a very nice sight. Now it’s my turn.”

Sam has never heard the angel sound so husky or sexy and it causes him to moan. He wants to feel Castiel so bad, and hopes the angel makes good on his promises.

Castiel leans down while he continues to grind and nibbles Sam’s neck. Sam arches. Suddenly Dean is there as well. There’s a mess of hands and mouths. Sam’s not sure where his mouth goes or whose hands are on him. He doesn’t care, though. He knows nothing but ecstasy due to his lovers.

***

Dean watches as Sam sleeps. He seems to be content, but he was always good at hiding when he had nightmares. He never thought Sam to have low self-esteem, but Dean sees he was very wrong about that assumption. To think either Dean or Castiel could ever not want him. Of course Dean and Sam are brothers, but incest isn’t the first law they’ve broken and it won’t be the last.

And did Sam not notice the way Castiel looked at him? Of course, Dean didn’t notice until Castiel pointed out his own feelings, but Sam always prided himself at being so observant. Where did that observance go?

“His lack of confidence blinded him to the truth,” Castiel murmurs close by. Dean’s not surprised Castiel knows what he is thinking. It’s his way.

“How do we make it better?”

Castiel’s eyes stay firmly planted on Sam’s sleeping form. “Words won’t make a difference when it comes to this. We have to show him that he matters.”

Dean nods. He’s ready to do anything to get his brother back.

***

The next few days are like the twilight zone to Sam. Not only is he having a lot of sex, but both Castiel and Dean are strangely attentive to him. It all comes to a head a week after they first got together.

“I’m sick of you guys acting so weird!” He yells after getting sick of the eyes constantly on him. “This is not the Dean and Castiel I fell in love with. This is pod people. The Dean I know wouldn’t waste a chance to a crack a joke about my girly morning drink. The Castiel I know wouldn’t stay glued to my side when he could be helping somewhere else.” He crosses his arms.

“Sammy —”

“Go back to normal,” Sam commands, interrupting what would have most likely been a platitude coming out of Dean.

“I’m sorry,” Castiel says. “I thought we were proving to you how much we wanted you. I thought we were showing you how important you are to us. We didn’t mean to upset you.”

Sam brushes his bangs out of his eyes. “Guys, I know I have some serious issues. I admit that I still can’t believe both of you want me. I admit that I don’t see what you see when I look at myself in the mirror, but I don’t want you guys to be people you’re not. If I feel like I’m changing you too much, I won’t stay. I won’t be the reason the two of you are no longer who you’re meant to be.”

Dean moves to grip Sam’s arms. “Don’t go. We’ll go back to normal, but don’t leave us. Don’t leave _me_.” Dean emphasizes the last word, looking deeply into Sam’s eyes.

Sam nods. “I won’t.”

They kiss gently and Sam feels Castiel when the angel goes behind him. He feels safe while cocooned between them. It has become his favorite place in the world.

***

Things don’t get better right away, but Dean seems to make a conscious effort to go back to teasing him, something Sam is grateful for. Castiel still sticks a little too closely to his side, but he realizes it’s because Meg’s still on the lose more than anything.

Castiel begins disappearing at odd intervals. If he was a human, Sam would think he was cheating, but that’s obviously not true. Castiel’s constant absence gives Sam and Dean time to bond a little bit when it comes to being lovers. They never really had any time alone after becoming lovers, and it’s something the both of them need, or at least Sam thinks so.

They get closer and Sam begins to feel more secure in Dean’s feelings. Sam notices how Dean looks at him, as if he’s the most important person in the world. Sam is finally beginning to believe that Dean’s truly in love with him and it hasn’t just been pity fucking like he feared.

Dean must have noticed the change because suddenly when Castiel _is_ around, the two of them are spending a lot of time alone. Sometimes they talk; sometimes they have sex. It all depends on the mood they’re in. The only thing the same is Dean suspiciously always has somewhere else to be.

One night when Sam and Dean are lazily kissing, hands roaming bodies, the sound of wings brings them to alertness and they sit up. Castiel is smirking and there’s a smug quality to it.

Sam says the first thing that comes to mind. “You’re spending way too much time with Dean.”

Dean grins, obviously knowing what Sam means.

Castiel shrugs. “I’m not sure what that means, but it doesn’t matter. What does matter is Meg has been taken care of.”

“Really?” Sam asks, swallowing a lump that’s in his throat. He’s still experiencing some nightmares, thanks to the demon.

“Really. She won’t bother you any longer, Sam.”

The three of them exchange looks, all pleased with the turn of events.

 

**_Three Years Later_ **

“I can’t believe we’re actually setting up house,” Dean groans.

“I can’t believe we’re actually trying normal,” Sam says happily.

Dean rolls his eyes. “How normal are you going to be able to get, Sammy? Not only are you fucking your older brother, but the both of us are also fucking an angel. Nothing about that is normal.”

Sam shrugs. “Well, it will be normal for us. No hunting.”

Dean nods and his eyes seem to soften. They’ve been hashing out the idea about retiring from hunting for awhile now. Sam really wanted to and that’s why Dean eventually gave in. Well, because Sam wanted to and he didn’t want to lose Sam to death once again. It’s better to quit when they’re young.

The sound of wings doesn't faze them. They long since gotten used to Castiel’s drop ins. “Are the two of you settling in?”

“Very,” Sam says. He’s grinning so wide it actually hurts his cheeks.

Dean shakes his head. “Sam is very happy.”

“I see that.” Castiel nods his head. He steps forward and cups Sam’s cheek, and Sam leans into the touch. “I’m glad. Both of you deserve some happiness.”

“You’ll be around a lot, right? You won’t just disappear on us because we’re no longer hunting, right?” Some of Sam’s old insecurity seeps into his voice.

“Of course I’ll be around. I need to keep my lovers out of trouble after all, don’t I?”

“How are you going to do that?” Dean asks seductively.

Sam involuntarily shudders at Dean’s tone.

“Tie you both up to the bed,” Castiel answers, deadpan.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” Dean whispers. “Sam looks as if he’s about ready to combust.”

“Who says I can’t keep my promises.” Castiel grips Sam’s shoulder and moves to do the same thing to Dean. Before Sam is aware of what’s happening, they’re in the bedroom and tied to the bed.

Castiel’s face has lost the normal emotionless mask, and his eyes are now smoldering. Sam knows it’s going to be a long night, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.


End file.
